if you like me you must not know who I am
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
