She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
