She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We are all done wearing pants today
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
