turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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