Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
