dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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