I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
