Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize