The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
