I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
