After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
