I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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