can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
