awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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