I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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