11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm too high and old for this...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
