Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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