Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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