HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
