I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
