The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
