a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
