You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
