Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
