I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
