Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
