Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
