Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
