i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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