Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
