Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
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I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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