I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
