Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
