I'm drive I can fine osifer
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
