I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I want her autograph on my taint
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
