just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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