i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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