so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
