Me. At least after what I've been through.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
