Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
