Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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