I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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