hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
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We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
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dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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