let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
