If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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