hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
