Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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