fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
