You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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