Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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