The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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