Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
