I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
