i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
