Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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