the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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