Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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