did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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