Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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