i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
