hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
People in love make me want to vomit
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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