Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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