Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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